My mom said she thought I was slow to crawl or walk because my big sister was there to do all the work for me. I knew a good thing when I saw it, and decided to relax for as long as I could. I wouldn't be surprised if that also included my speech. That might explain some things.
Like why speech wasn't as easy for me to master as it is for most. I had a bunch of quirky speech patterns mixed in with some true speech impediments. I'd pronounce an "f" when the word called for "sm, or even squ" (I'd pronounce "foke" for "smoke," or "firrel" instead of "squirrel"). Sometimes I'd transpose a 'sh' for an 'sk' sound. I'd glide my "r"s. And I had a heavy lisp - which resulted in family pictures with me sticking my tongue out. (Note to all photographers, asking a family to say "cheese" during pictures doesn't help the kid with the lisp). My Dad loved these quirks. He'd ask me to say his favorite ones often. I never could heard the difference, or understand how I could possibly change it to be correct.
All of those quirks required some time in speech therapy. It didn't take too many sessions before I keyed into the sounds I was supposed to be making. It's funny...I remember thinking, "Isn't this the sound I've been making all along?" I took to it well, and those lessons - that therapy - was the beginning of my love of language. I learned about how our tongues are supposed to help us make certain sounds, and depending on where you position it you could make different sounds! It was like I'd unlocked a power.
I wonder if that experience keyed me into reading, or if it was something else. Maybe I was just born with a love of reading? Whichever it was, I devoured books as a preteen. I read every. single. book. in the Babysitter's Club to start. I read suspense, nonfiction, fantasy, spirituality, novels and anything in between. To this day, as long as the subject's interesting, I'm in.
As a teen I added writing, channeling my angst in poetry. I loved the challenge of choosing the perfect word that had more than one meaning, which helped me say more with less. I wrote for, and became co-editor-in-chief of my high school newspaper, covering some of the first Blink 182 albums released. Alongside that love of language, a deep reverence was growing.
By that point, I'd broadened my appreciation past the English language and into Spanish. A whole new melody and cadence to learn and listen to! My absolute favorite class in college was Spanish Pronunciation where we learned to affect individual dialects within the Spanish language. Writing this now I'm wondering if there was something familiar between speech therapy and this class...something familiar. Something I knew I could master. One of my prouder moments was in Mexico during our honeymoon. The guide I was speaking to asked me what part of Spain I was from.
I love the lilting quality of language - how the right tone can tame feral savages, or tarnish the polish of a precious stone. I love how nuanced synonyms can be - like those tests to see how many colors you can distinguish, only instead of parsing hues they parse meaning. I love how you can't learn a language without learning about its culture - as if the language itself seasons its food, enlivens its music and anoints its holidays. Most of all, I love words. I love a good play on words, a well-timed pun, a double entendre. Rebus puzzles are even my favorite kind of puzzle. You name the wordplay, I'm here for it.
Language has been both a life-long journey and companion for me in ways that possibly it hasn't for others. I started off with a deficit and through working that out, I was set on fire for language. I became bilingual along the way, living in Spain for a summer. I eventually built my career around language as well. I feel most comfortable behind a keyboard. Not in the way that keyboard warriors hide behind it as they infect others with their unhappiness. But rather like settling into a cozy chair from which I know I can be understood, and have the most fascinating conversations.
And as it turns out, language is also my love language. Writing, in particular. At work, I like to say my fingers think better than my mouth. Because the best of my thoughts come far easier out in my writing, rather than straight from my mouth. They sound better, they're truer to my actual thoughts and feelings. Writing is the bridge between my inner world and the world outside.
From small notes or dedicated online posts, to writing and officiating my sister's wedding, to memorializing a dear friend - a chosen family member - who recently passed away, I've found the truest of my actions and most heartfelt way I know to honor someone, to show them I love them is by wielding the one superpower I have - the one I built from a deficit, with my own two hands.